


Murder on the Orient Express (but they're all idiots)

by Vex_ation



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, Gen, Murder Mystery, Soulmates, zombies...? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vex_ation/pseuds/Vex_ation
Summary: Zombies and soulmates and murder mysteries, oh my! Pearl has to find the culprit amongst these eight suspicious suspects, but actually pulling it off is a bit harder than he expected.-- Written for the Specord 2020 Winter Writing Challenge! I was assigned Pearl, the prompts soulmates, western, murder mystery, and period piece, and the special object Skitty Keychain! --
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Murder on the Orient Express (but they're all idiots)

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: this work was based loosely off a vocaloid

One night. One train ride. Eight suspects. A dead body, covered in blood. No one could enter, no one could leave. It should've been an open and shut case. And yet…  
Eight blank faces stared back at Pearl as he surveyed the train car. Yellow, blue, green, or brown, the only thing uniting the eyes of these eclectic traingoers was the collective dead gaze they held. Contempt for the blond detective seemed to radiate off their skin, and for a moment Pearl wondered who was intimidating who. He cleared his throat, trying to make the hairs on the back of his neck lie flat.  
“So, let me get this straight,” he said. “None of you are willing to confess to the murder of a certain… Mr. Looker?”  
The eight suspects stared back at him, uncaring. The body on the ground groaned, slowly sitting up and gurgling something unintelligible before one of the suspects smashed his face back into the ground with his boot.  
“Did he just…” Pearl began to ask. The eight suspects cut him off with a collective ‘no’. This was going nowhere. Pearl sighed. This was going to be… difficult. Admittedly, he had no doubt he would be able to catch the culprit, but there wasn’t a shred of urgency or worry between them. No matter!  
“I’m going to interview each of you one by one. You can return to your cabins if you want.”  
Without saying a word, the eight suspects disappeared, rapidly returning to various cabins within the car in the fleeting silence.  
“You,” Pearl said, pointing at a suspect that caught his eye. “Stay here.” He wasn’t sure what exactly it was, but something about the first suspect made his heart race (and not in a good way). Something about him seemed to draw the two of them together in a way that Pearl couldn’t explain. Perhaps his gut was telling him something or perhaps his detective instincts were just that good. He beckoned the suspect forward, the realization of just how huge he was dawning on him as he led the suspect into a booth. As he opened his notepad, Pearl noticed the suspect methodically rubbing his hands up and down a butcher’s knife he had drawn from his apron pocket.  
“So, Mr, um… Diamond, was it?”  
“Yessir,” he said, his voice slower and sweeter than a wave of molasses. Despite his calm tone, Pearl couldn’t help but notice his fidgeting with the knife. Before he could open his mouth to ask about it, however, Diamond suddenly cut him off.  
“Nervous tic,” he explained. Ha! As if Pearl would actually believe that. Already his senses had locked on-- he had noted all of the butcher’s suspicious idiosyncracies and had no doubt that these strange behaviors were just tools to cover up the obvious murder he had comitted.  
“Right… Well, um, Mr. Diamond, can you tell me about yourself and your connection to the victim?”  
“Well I’m a simple country butcher; I’ve never met this Looker fella.”  
Alright.  
“I’m on my way to California to experience some new flavors-- you see I love introducing my customers to new and exotic tastes, and I’m finding that the game out in the country isn’t enough for my palate anymore.”  
What?  
“If y’all would give me just a few more hours and a little bit of privacy, I can make you a meat pie you’d never forget! I just hope…” he began to fidget with his knife again as he closed his eyes and smiled warmly at Pearl, “that you would join me for dinner.”  
Oh my god.  
Diamond seemed entirely sincere in his request, but something about him-- plus the red stains all over his apron-- made Pearl a bit too uneasy. Perhaps he was reading too much into things. Perhaps he was about to get turned into someone’s dinner. He didn’t know and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.  
Though the strange feeling pulling them together didn’t fade, a sudden sense of satisfaction fell over Pearl. He had no doubts in his mind that this Diamond character was the killer, so as long as he could stay alive, all he had to do was round up the others in quick succession and then he could be done with this farce of a trial. Did he have solid proof? Perhaps not. But who else could it be?  
“Mr. Diamond, I think I’m going to need to leave now; I need to interview all the other subjects and all that so I’ll be going,” he said as he escorted himself out the door, only to find the butcher ambling behind him.  
“Oh, uhhh… you don’t have to come with me, I ca--”  
“I will come with you.”  
“O- ok,” Pearl repeated, sweat beading on his brow. His gut was screaming at him to run, but perhaps that didn’t matter-- Pearl was sure about his guilt and he was never wrong, so it didn’t matter much that the butcher followed him. Even still, despite his best efforts, this Diamond character followed behind Pearl as he made his way into the next cabin, where he found the oil tycoon’s daughter Platinum Berlitz repeatedly crossing Pearl’s name off a list on her table. She looked up at him with eyes that gleamed like a demon. Pearl began to sweat. She was also a bit suspicious. Nothing Pearl couldn’t handle, but still…  
“Good evening, Miss Pla--”  
“You may call me Missy,” she instructed him. Pearl paled as she gestured towards the seat across from her. “And you may sit here.”  
“So, um… Missy, have you heard anything about a certain Mr. Looker?”  
“Well, I do know that his company was in a great rivalry with my father’s, and his unfortunate passing has been quite the boon for me. I will admit I am not unhappy to see him go, especially after the impact that his… treachery had on my father and myself.”  
“I… I see,” Pearl replied. “Now, uh, one last question. What is in that notebook of yours?”  
“Ah!” Platinum explained. “It is my personal diary. The lettering along the spine sums it up quite well, though it is in a faraway language.”  
“Uh… Grand Revenge?” Diamond wondered out loud.  
“I’m impressed, good sir!” Platinum replied, eyes shining. “Not many people in this region are able to speak oriental languages such as this!”  
Pearl watched the two of them as they immediately hit it off. She seemed to find his soft, drawling voice melodious and his slow but insightful words seemed to charm just the right way. However, her testimony put a dent in his plan-- he was sure the butcher was the prime suspect and suspicious as can be, and yet somehow this woman came along looking just as, if not moreso, suspicious than Diamond did! This ‘Missy’ character was more or less filling out a hit list as he approached, and more than that, she had probable cause for the murder in the first place. Trying to collect his thoughts, Pearl made a move to walk out the door into the next cabin when she called out to him.  
“Excuse me, sir, but I have a request,” she said as Pearl froze.  
“Y- yes, Missy?”  
“Might I accompany you and Diamond on your investigation? I am quite privy to detective work myself and would love the opportunity to work alongside you.”  
Pearl wanted to say no, he really did, but something about her was just like Diamond-- he seemed drawn to her in ways he simply couldn’t explain. Besides, he was more than a bit worried she’d kill him if he dared decline. Sighing, he just beckoned her along with him as they moved into the next car. There, a man sat in his cabin with a massive lion on the floor. A lion. He could not have been the only one bothered by this… right?  
“Interesting,” Platinum stated simply as Pearl nearly wet himself in fear.  
“Yo,” said the strange man.  
“... Volkner, was it?” Pearl said, slowly retrieving his notebook while the lion beside him licked his lips.  
“Yeah. This here is Lux. Don’t mind her. She’s friendly to most people.”  
Pearl froze. “What do you mean ‘most people’?”  
“Well, there was this one time with that old woman in Sunnyshore City…”  
Pearl clapped his notebook shut.  
“I think we’re done here. Thank you for your time.”  
“L- leaving already?!” Volkner exclaimed as Pearl speed-walked out of the room. “Wait, please, ask more questions! I haven’t been this excited over something since the day Lux first tasted human flesh!!”  
As Pearl broke into a sprint, Diamond and Platinum followed behind him with significantly less urgency.  
“What’s wrong?” Platinum asked. “He seems like quite the character; perhaps he would like to be our friend!”  
“Perhaps not,” Pearl responded. He skirted through the hallways, moving to interview someone else in hopes of losing his two strange tagalongs. Unfortunately, he had no such luck. Instead, he found a man named Riley the next room over, claiming that he could prove his innocence because his aura was pure. His dog could attest, he said. Sure. And as if that weren’t bad enough, the next train car had a man absolutely drenched in blood, scores of it dripping from his eyes like bad mascara.  
“Umm… Mr…. Mr. Cyrus sir?”  
Cyrus looked up at him, lifting a wine glass from his table and taking a slip.  
“Can you come back later?” he asked, gesturing to the pentagram drawn on the floor. “I’m busy.”  
As Pearl stared, Platinum peeked her head out from behind him. “Is that a salt circle? Are you summoning something?”  
Cyrus just glared at them as Pearl slowly pushed himself and his companions back out the door.  
“Everyone seems so suspicious… How are we going to find the killer now?” Pearl muttered to himself.  
“Well,” Diamond replied, “perhaps if you investigated a bit more and looked past your initial suspicions, you might find something new!”  
“I am inclined to agree,” Platinum said. However, Pearl couldn’t help but have his doubts: these two were some of the most suspicious characters here! Perhaps it would be better if he just arrested the whole lot of them. Thankfully, he was saved from having to respond by the arrival of Caitlin, another one of the suspects. She swept by him like some kind of fairy, her eyes unfocused and her attention elsewhere. Perhaps, finally, he could rule out someone as the killer.  
“I presume you want to question me?” she said softly as she walked into her cabin. By the time Pearl got his bearings and followed her in, she was already sitting at the table and sipping from her tea. Perhaps he should try what Diamond and Platinum said… some more thorough questioning certainly couldn’t hurt, especially since this Caitlin wasn’t all that suspicious anyway.  
“Good morning Miss Caitlin. I’m just here to ask you some questions about the case,” he began.  
“I understand,” Caitlin replied. “This is not my first time.”  
Pearl looked up at her, praying to every god he knew that this was not headed in the direction he thought it was.  
“Can you elaborate on that?”  
“No.”  
“Um, well… can you define what you mean by ‘first time’, perhaps?”  
“I have been involved in the death of a man prior to this occasion.”  
“... Did you murder someone?”  
“Perhaps.”  
“What do you mean ‘perhaps’?”  
“Authorities are still investigating.”  
… Well, that’s what he got for assuming the best in people.  
“Were you at all involved as a participant in the slaying of Mr. Looker?”  
“I am quite offended,” she claimed, setting her teacup down with a loud clang. “I would not attack just anyone unprovoked.”  
You shouldn’t be attacking anyone at all!,Pearl thought.  
“I just want to know, Miss Caitlin, if you perchance killed a man yesterday.”  
“Kill?” she replied. “KILL? KILL?? KILL K̘͖͍Ȋ͎̟̻͎̌́͊L̫ͨL̻̞̱̗ K͖̳̲̜͕I̠̰L̪͖͍͇ͤͥ̿̿L̪͎̲̦̱̦ͥ̈̀̂̃͋ ̬̖̐͆K̚I͚̬̖̩̭L̤͍̥͚̂̃ͩ̑Lͬͮͪ̓̆?!”  
Fearing for his own life, Pearl stood up, and with as much courage as he could muster, proclaimed that Caitlin’s assistance had been vital but he must be going. Now. Immediately.  
Diamond and Platinum stared as Pearl charged out of the room and slammed the door behind him looking like he had seen a ghost.  
“How did it go?” Platinum asked.  
“Excellent. Fantastic. Just dandy.”  
Diamond frowned, reaching for the door handle.  
“Do you mind if I--”  
“NO. Don’t go in there,” Pearl exclaimed, looking downright terrified as he dragged his new ‘friends’ away. There were only two more suspects, two more likely-to-be-horrific interviews and then, finally, he could think about who the killer was. He just had to get through two more.  
When he arrived at the next car, he found a woman there dressed all in furs, a noble and knowledgeable expression on her face.  
“I take it you intend to question me?” she asked.  
“Why yes, Miss Cynthia,” Pearl replied as he sat down.  
“Well I assure you I have not murdered this man.”  
“... Have you murdered other men?”  
Cynthia adjusted her fur coat.  
“That is classified information.”  
“I see.”  
What are the chances, he thought, of having two femme fatales on the same train car in the middle of the American West? This was, quite frankly, getting ridiculous.  
“Do you have any further questions? I have an appointment for tea with my dear new friend Caitlin… we have gotten quite close during this trip and I quite prefer her company to yours. If you’ll excuse me, I must be going,” she explained.  
Pearl just sighed and watched her leave. He doubted he would get anything less cryptic if he continued, and judging by the way she was looking at him, he could only worry about whether or not he would be her next victim. This was beginning to get hopeless.  
Pearl dragged his feet as he walked towards the last cabin. This was the final suspect, the last interview, the last of these murderous wackjobs that he would have to talk to. He threw open the door, notebook in hand, and prepared his usual spiel. Before he could do so much as open his mouth, however, the suspect leapt up and stared at him with wild, desperate eyes.  
“Do you know how to get to Hammerlocke?!” he exclaimed in a strange accent Pearl had never heard before. The detective felt his jaw go slack, his face contorted in confusion.  
“Wha… where?”  
“Hammerlocke. I’m trying to get there, I just… I think I got lost.”  
“... Sir this is Colorado. We’re in America. Do you… did you not realize that when buying a ticket?”  
“Are we supposed to have a ticket?” the suspect replied.  
Pearl wondered what was worse: his skills of deception or his sense of direction.  
“I really do need to get going,” the suspect rattled on. “So, if you or anyone else can tell me how to get to Hammerlocke that would be very much appreciated thank you so much.”  
Pearl furrowed his eyebrows. How strange, he thought as the suspect walked out. As Diamond and Platinum smiled at him, Pearl put his hands on his hips.  
“Well, that was a total waste of time!” he said cheerily.  
“Whatever do you mean?” Platinum replied, a bit befuddled by his words.  
“What I mean is that every single person in this car is more suspicious than the last! Even if we do figure out which one of you killed Looker, that doesn’t change the fact that everyone in this car should be arrested!!”  
“Pearl, I think you should calm down,” Diamond said, resting a hand on his new friends’ shoulder. “There’s something you haven’t considered. The victim left a dying message in his own blood, maybe that’ll give you the clue you need.”  
As Pearl cocked his head, Diamond lead them to the spot the corpse used to be. Wait… used to be?!  
“I… you’re RIGHT! All we need to do is combine the dying message with the testimony, and then… perfect! Diamond, Platinum, round up the rest of the suspects!”  
He cracked his knuckles, scribbling down the dying message’s symbols and trying to decipher what it could have meant. As they all walked into the room, Pearl stood tall. Notebook in hand, smirk on his face, he addressed all of the suspects at once.  
“The killer,” he proclaimed, “is one of YOU!”  
All of them stared at his outstretched hand, mirroring his haughty expression with blank faces. The chugging of the train engine was the only sound as Pearl waited for someone to break down, to gasp, to do anything. Instead, they all stared at him until finally Cynthia spoke up.  
“Well, of course, have you looked at us? We’re the only ones here. Plus the body is literally missing. It’s not like it just got up and walked away on its own, right?”  
Pearl coughed into his hand to save face.  
“Yes, right, of course. What I meant to say was that I can prove who did it, because I have finally deciphered the victim's dying message! According to the victim, the killer had a “Skitty Keychain”!”  
All eight suspects stared at him curiously, reaching into their bags and pockets only to pull out eight identical smiling skitty keychains.  
“They were given to us by the conductor; everyone has one,” Diamond explained.  
“You… I… EVERYONE?!” Pearl exclaimed. Cynthia cocked an eyebrow.  
“Perhaps what the victim meant to say was not that the killer had a skitty keychain… but that the killer was the only one without a skitty keychain!” she said.  
Suddenly, all eight pairs of eyes were locked on Pearl, glaring and piercing into his soul.  
“Wh… What? What’s with your accusatory tone?”  
“We’re accusing you,” Volkner replied.  
“Well… well where’s your proof?” Pearl snapped back. “You can’t accuse me of murder just because I seem suspicious!”  
The eight suspects looked at each other, questioning whether or not the irony of the situation was evident to the young detective.  
“Well,” Riley chimed in. “Diamond and Platinum are your soulmates-- they can look through your memories while holding your hands. They can prove your guilt.”  
“How did yo--”  
“Did you not feel an inexplicable connection with them as soon as you met them?” he asked. Pearl went scarlet. How in the world did he know? And more importantly: why should Pearl be believing anything he said?  
“Please,” Riley explained, “allow your soulmates to look through your memories. It is a foolproof method for determining your innocence. Lucky can attest to this.”  
The dog beside him barked, and, fearing for his life at the hands of these eclectic suspects, he begrudgingly held out his hands despite his suspicions and allowed Diamond and Platinum to hold them. Suddenly, he could feel electricity sparking at his fingertips, memories from the two of them the previous night and day flying through his brain like a skipping record overlayed on a very glitchy movie. He couldn’t believe it, but Riley was somehow… right? He could feel what it was like through the eyes of his companions and to his utmost surprise, it was a rather mundane experience. They ate, slept, and chatted with others around the cabin, but there was not a single murder victim in sight. His two companions-- could he really call them that already?-- stood by his side shaking their heads.  
“He didn’t do it,” Diamond explained. Platinum nodded alongside him.  
Riley scratched his head. “Well, I’m at a loss.”  
The others murmured and nodded amongst themselves. Without a single clue and a myriad of suspicious characters, would they ever be able to pinpoint a killer? Pearl was beginning to think it was hopeless. He sighed, taking a step forward to apologize for putting everyone through this ordeal. He had failed himself and the law, and his detective skills were truly pathetic if he couldn’t figure out who ha--  
The floor beneath him creaked, and Pearl found himself falling as the broken wood crumbled beneath his weight. He crashed to the ground right where the corpse had been found, watching in horror as the broken floorboard flew up towards the wall and hit a shelf, causing it to crack and sending luggage and various pieces of train equipment falling on top of him. Yelping, he tried to cover his face as a barrage of heavy objects tumbled down and Diamond reached out to pull him out of harm’s way. He ended up in the butcher’s arms as the metals and ropes clattered right where he had fallen. Regaining his composure, he realized the problem.  
“Mr. Looker’s death was an accident!!” he exclaimed, very aware of the sigh of relief that swept over the train car. “He stepped on this floorboard, which is broken, and caused a bunch of equipment to fall and kill him.”  
“That is definitely what happened,” Cynthia hastily replied.  
“I see no flaws with this theory,” Caitlin added.  
“It’s not like any of us did it,” Riley said, staring at Cyrus as the latter slowly wiped the blood off his face with a handkerchief.  
“We’re all off the hook? Convenient,” Volkner said.  
“Does ANYONE know where Hammerlocke is?!” the strange man exclaimed.  
“No one killed Looker,” Pearl continued, “but I have to wonder who covered him in blood and moved all the things that crushed him?”  
“That would be me,” Cyrus explained. “The blood on him is a mixture of my own and pig’s blood, which I gained from your butcher friend.”  
“Why didn’t you mention this sooner!?” Pearl angrily asked Diamond. Diamond simply shrugged.  
“You never asked.”  
Pearl ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. He wanted to tell him off, but at this point what was the use? They had already uncovered the true “killer” and proved the “innocence” of everyone on the train (probably). What more was there to do but bury the poor sap?  
“Oh my!” Platinum exclaimed, staring starry eyed at the entrance to Cyrus’ cabin. There stood Mr. Looker, covered in blood and badly wounded but otherwise alive.  
“Oh, it worked,” Cyrus said simply. “Excellent.” Looker stumbled towards them, arms stiff and outstretched as he gurgled and moaned.  
“What did you do, good sir?” asked Platinum.  
“Necromancy,” Cyrus replied.  
“A man of many talents,” Caitlin replied. “It is not often you find such a classy fellow in these parts.”  
Cyrus’ lip twitched; Pearl could only assume he was flattered. As the undead corpse stumbled towards them, the eight suspects drew weapons of various sizes from seemingly nowhere, prepared and ready to fight this strange undead newcomer. As Diamond and Platinum took the helm at either side of him, Pearl realized that maybe, just maybe, being put in a train car with eight murderous fiends wasn’t such a bad thing after all.


End file.
